Our Family Story

I know that I have mentioned before what an amazing husband I have but I am just going to say it again.

 HE IS AMAZING!!!

This is our story...

When TJ and I met neither of us were looking for any type of relationship. I was dealing with a very frustrating ex and he was happy being a bachelor. It was just something that we could not deny though...I know that sounds extremely silly but with this man I can say with out a doubt that there is such a thing as 

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT!!

He really is the most amazing father. When he moved up to Utah from Las Vegas we were not sure how the kids were going to do with change. They were thrilled. It was much easier then we EVER anticipated it to be. 

At first he was happy acting as the "step-dad." Then things started to get a little trying. The kids would come back from a visit with stories that were becoming increasingly alarming. TJ would take things in stride and work with me to help calm the kids and make them feel safe again. There was an altercation between the ex and myself that caused the visitation to stop and required the ex to be supervised when with the kids. So the visits stopped for about 6 months. The kids were confused. All of the sudden the ex decided that he would like to see the kids again. My oldest was terrified to the point that she did not want to go to school, she could not sleep at night and she was afraid of leaving the house. She could not come to grips with having to see her "father" again. 

We (TJ & I) decided that it was time for therapy to help the kids get over their anxiety and give them and the ex a safe place to be able to talk and try to build up some type of relationship. We let the ex know that we would take care of the cost of the therapy and all he had to do was show up, take interest in the kids and do what he says he was going to do. TJ told him, "There is enough room in the family for you...you just have to show that you want to be a part of the kids lives and not just go away again. I am not their dad, you are. I am here to support the kids." ( that is as close as I can remember) The therapist also spoke with the ex and let him know that the kids were pretty confused and they needed stability from both parents. The ex came 3 times to therapy, 2 visits to a supervised visitation location, 1 lunch with the kids and that was it. No more asking to see the kids, no more trying at all to be in the kids lives. The kids were again left feeling abandoned...even though the time with the ex was hard it was difficult for the kids to understand how a "father" who is supposed to care about his kids could just forget that they existed. 

We continued to go to family therapy and adjusted the visits to make sure that we were doing all that we needed to do to add in the "step-parent" and help that kids feel safe and happy.  We were asked to be a part of a group evaluation, we thought that would be interesting and we agreed. They had been recording all of the sessions that we had as a family and wanted to talk about what they had been observing and let us know what their thoughts were. For the final visit there were 5 Therapists there. The 1 that we had been working with and 4 others that had been observing the previously recorded sessions. The 4 therapists went into an adjoining room to observe the session that we were about to have and then when we were done we were able to trade them spots and listen to what they had to say. 

The session was wonderful. When the Head Therapist started to speak, he said that he had NEVER seen a man come in as a "step-parent" so easily before. He let TJ know that he needed to write a book on how to "step-parent" and if he did he would make millions! (I still think that he should write this book...not for the $$ but because he is just that good) It was nice to hear that they could tell that everything that we were doing was for the kids. 

(The ex has never made any attempt to see the kids or even speak to them...even when he had the chance he just ignored them and pretended that they did not exist.)

This past fall the ex decided, for whatever his reasons were, to relinquish his rights as a parent to the kids. That gave TJ the opportunity to adopt them and the kids were thrilled.  

During the adoption he was asked why he wanted to adopt the kids and he let the Judge know that the kids are his world. Our oldest started to sob...she told me after that she needed to hear that. The Judge spoke to TJ from the bench and let him know that he commended TJ for being willing to take on the responsibility of our 3 kids. He also said that he could see how much the kids love him. Needless to say we were all bawling. 

TJ has helped me in every aspect of my life. He is the one person that can calm me down from seeing red...and that is a real accomplishment...believe me...LOL! (I have been known to be a little reactive in situations...I know...pretty hard to believe) He has helped me to become a better person, mother and friend. 

TJ shows the kids unwavering love and complete support. I am so proud of the example of a man that he shows the girls and boy. (That is what I call my son...Boy) He works hard, I know that he HATES being away from the kids but he makes up for it when he is home. 

I just have to say that I am one EXTREMELY lucky woman!!! 

I love this photo because it shows just how he is with the kids and how happy they are

Sons and Self Esteem

I am really at a loss when it comes to knowing what to do with my son. He is an amazing; smart, handsome…the list goes on…I am the mother. He has been struggling for the past few months with not liking himself.

When he started the school year out at the new school he was getting pestered a lot by kids asking if he had been held back because is so much bigger then the other kids. He is quite shy and would not say anything to his teacher about what the kids were asking him and so he just put up with it.

He lately has been mentioning to me that all he wants is to be normal size. He just wants to be like the other kids right now. He feels like they stare at him like he is a freak. I try and let him know that the other kids are NOT staring at him like he is a freak. He will also say things like “I am Dumb” and “I am stupid.” Keep in mind that he is reading well above grade level and is working a grade ahead in Math…so he is FAR from dumb. He is just at a tough age and I would love nothing more then for him to love himself and feel good about who he is.

HELP!!!

I just want to be the best mom that I can for him. If there is anyone out there that has any words of wisdom I would LOVE to hear it.

Time!?!

Time!?! 

 I really should be more worried about making sure that there is ME time...workout time (heaven only knows I NEED that)... quality time with each child... time to work on the marriage...time to get enough sleep at night...homework time...meal time...cleaning time...laundry time! Not to mention that I work at least 8 hours a day on top of all the rest. How in the world is there supposed to be time to do everything?!

I am just having one of those days when you think about all that you "should" be doing and how you are supposed to fit is all in. I am pretty good at scheduling things but I have to admit that somethings fall by the wayside.

I will admit that my house is not always perfect. I am not a size small...medium ...or heck lets just face it not even and XL! But my kids seem to be happy and my husband claims that he is. Maybe that is because he is only here half the time. I would like a little more ME time but other than that things are FANTASTIC!!

The Start of a New Year!!!

There have been so many great things that have been going on in our family the past year. I am hoping to keep this going so that family and friends that do not live close or are just interested in what is going on can be kept informed. 

The BIG event was that TJ was able to adopt Jensyn, Charley and Cooper on 

December 21st. 

This was an extremely wonderful event. They are so proud to have TJ as their father. He is a truly amazing man. 

I am sure that some are wondering why TJ has adopted the kids. Well...there is a long and not so easy to tell story that leads up to the adoption. The long and short of it is that drugs changed a person, I had to do what was necessary to keep children safe. Now the kids have an amazing example of a man and father to raise them who loves them unconditionally. 

We have so much going on. TJ is away at work often and I am home to man the fort. I have to admit that it is SOOOO nice when he is home. We miss him like crazy when he is gone. 

Jensyn is in 8th grade and doing awesome. Her GPA was a 3.8 this past semester. She is working hard and I think that she is really enjoying school. Her passion is volleyball and I have to say she is not too bad. We measured her this past weekend and she is no 5'10"... not my little girl anymore. 

Charley is in 5th grade and is as sassy as ever! I am quite worried because out of the three of my kids she is the MOST like me. (I am really in for it!!) She is trying volleyball this year and is learning really quickly. She has very athletic and catches on to the skills fast. It will be fun to watch how she plays by the end of the season. She can hardly wait to get her uniform and play in her first tournament. She is such a sweet kid. 

Cooper is now in 3rd grade and most think that he is a 5-6th grader. When he started the new school this year he was so frustrated that he would get asked everyday if he was held back because he is so much bigger then the other kids. He is so funny. He played football this past fall and fell in love with it. The coaches really liked him too. He started out not knowing much but worked his guts out so that he was able to play starting defense and offense. He is now playing basketball and is having a lot of fun with that as well. His first game the ref was convinced that Cooper was in the wrong gym...thinking that he was supposed to be on the other side playing with the older kids! I have a feeling that we may get that a lot until he is a little older.