Our Family Story

I know that I have mentioned before what an amazing husband I have but I am just going to say it again.

 HE IS AMAZING!!!

This is our story...

When TJ and I met neither of us were looking for any type of relationship. I was dealing with a very frustrating ex and he was happy being a bachelor. It was just something that we could not deny though...I know that sounds extremely silly but with this man I can say with out a doubt that there is such a thing as 

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT!!

He really is the most amazing father. When he moved up to Utah from Las Vegas we were not sure how the kids were going to do with change. They were thrilled. It was much easier then we EVER anticipated it to be. 

At first he was happy acting as the "step-dad." Then things started to get a little trying. The kids would come back from a visit with stories that were becoming increasingly alarming. TJ would take things in stride and work with me to help calm the kids and make them feel safe again. There was an altercation between the ex and myself that caused the visitation to stop and required the ex to be supervised when with the kids. So the visits stopped for about 6 months. The kids were confused. All of the sudden the ex decided that he would like to see the kids again. My oldest was terrified to the point that she did not want to go to school, she could not sleep at night and she was afraid of leaving the house. She could not come to grips with having to see her "father" again. 

We (TJ & I) decided that it was time for therapy to help the kids get over their anxiety and give them and the ex a safe place to be able to talk and try to build up some type of relationship. We let the ex know that we would take care of the cost of the therapy and all he had to do was show up, take interest in the kids and do what he says he was going to do. TJ told him, "There is enough room in the family for you...you just have to show that you want to be a part of the kids lives and not just go away again. I am not their dad, you are. I am here to support the kids." ( that is as close as I can remember) The therapist also spoke with the ex and let him know that the kids were pretty confused and they needed stability from both parents. The ex came 3 times to therapy, 2 visits to a supervised visitation location, 1 lunch with the kids and that was it. No more asking to see the kids, no more trying at all to be in the kids lives. The kids were again left feeling abandoned...even though the time with the ex was hard it was difficult for the kids to understand how a "father" who is supposed to care about his kids could just forget that they existed. 

We continued to go to family therapy and adjusted the visits to make sure that we were doing all that we needed to do to add in the "step-parent" and help that kids feel safe and happy.  We were asked to be a part of a group evaluation, we thought that would be interesting and we agreed. They had been recording all of the sessions that we had as a family and wanted to talk about what they had been observing and let us know what their thoughts were. For the final visit there were 5 Therapists there. The 1 that we had been working with and 4 others that had been observing the previously recorded sessions. The 4 therapists went into an adjoining room to observe the session that we were about to have and then when we were done we were able to trade them spots and listen to what they had to say. 

The session was wonderful. When the Head Therapist started to speak, he said that he had NEVER seen a man come in as a "step-parent" so easily before. He let TJ know that he needed to write a book on how to "step-parent" and if he did he would make millions! (I still think that he should write this book...not for the $$ but because he is just that good) It was nice to hear that they could tell that everything that we were doing was for the kids. 

(The ex has never made any attempt to see the kids or even speak to them...even when he had the chance he just ignored them and pretended that they did not exist.)

This past fall the ex decided, for whatever his reasons were, to relinquish his rights as a parent to the kids. That gave TJ the opportunity to adopt them and the kids were thrilled.  

During the adoption he was asked why he wanted to adopt the kids and he let the Judge know that the kids are his world. Our oldest started to sob...she told me after that she needed to hear that. The Judge spoke to TJ from the bench and let him know that he commended TJ for being willing to take on the responsibility of our 3 kids. He also said that he could see how much the kids love him. Needless to say we were all bawling. 

TJ has helped me in every aspect of my life. He is the one person that can calm me down from seeing red...and that is a real accomplishment...believe me...LOL! (I have been known to be a little reactive in situations...I know...pretty hard to believe) He has helped me to become a better person, mother and friend. 

TJ shows the kids unwavering love and complete support. I am so proud of the example of a man that he shows the girls and boy. (That is what I call my son...Boy) He works hard, I know that he HATES being away from the kids but he makes up for it when he is home. 

I just have to say that I am one EXTREMELY lucky woman!!! 

I love this photo because it shows just how he is with the kids and how happy they are