Sons and Self Esteem
I am really at a loss when it comes to knowing what to do
with my son. He is an amazing; smart, handsome…the list goes on…I am the
mother. He has been struggling for the past few months with not liking himself.
When he started the school year out at the new school he was
getting pestered a lot by kids asking if he had been held back because is so
much bigger then the other kids. He is quite shy and would not say anything to
his teacher about what the kids were asking him and so he just put up with it.
He lately has been mentioning to me that all he wants is to
be normal size. He just wants to be like the other kids right now. He feels
like they stare at him like he is a freak. I try and let him know that the
other kids are NOT staring at him like he is a freak. He will also say things
like “I am Dumb” and “I am stupid.” Keep in mind that he is reading well above
grade level and is working a grade ahead in Math…so he is FAR from dumb. He is
just at a tough age and I would love nothing more then for him to love himself
and feel good about who he is.
HELP!!!
I just want to be the best mom that I can for him. If there
is anyone out there that has any words of wisdom I would LOVE to hear it.
Wow, what a handsome kid. You don't say how old he is, but I'm assuming middle school? The most difficult years of any kids life, by far. I have a 15-year-old son, and my best advice is just to make sure he has a safe place to land at the end of each day. Keep pointing out all the good things about him. Encourage him in the areas where he has shown strength, and let him know that failures are nothing more than learning experiences.
ReplyDeleteI also think it's important to relax a bit as the mom, knowing that these experiences are his to navigate. Your job is to love him, and set a good example for him. Sometimes as moms we want to make everything better for our kids, but, not only is that not always possible, it isn't always wise. He is learning from all of this.
So, keep paying attention (educate yourself about signs/symptoms of depression and suicide risk), and keep saying "I love you".
I see your son is only in 3rd grade. it's especially tough to look older at that age, as people expect so much more from you. I haven't encountered this problem with my kids, but I know external praise from parents only helps so far. If you could find a way for him to think about all the things that he is good at, maybe it would help him? Also, what do his teacher and/or school counselor suggest??
ReplyDeletemy son had issues with things in 2nd grade. he is taller than most kids his age as well, but his problems were more about anxiety, and also undiagnosed ADD. but anyway, what helped him was going to see my therapist. without me in the room. also having me in the classroom and in constant communication with his teacher and the school counselor. we as parents can only do so much, it does take a village. my son did want to kill himself, and told his teacher, who called me in tears....so at that point i took him in to the therapist. hopefully this helps! good luck!
ReplyDeleteEvery child wants to fit in at that age. His feelings are completely normal. I was always tall for my age and all I wanted was to be just like everyone else. Take him to some Jazz games and expose him to the perks of being tall. I'm sure there are some books written by athletes that would make him feel better. Grandpa went through the same thing growing up.
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